5 Weeks to More Talking is Open
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Grandparents can be an important part of a child’s support team. You do not need to become your grandchild’s therapist or have every answer. But when you understand what the child is working on and use the same simple strategies during meals, play, visits, and everyday routines, you can create more opportunities for communication, learning, and independence.
I have seen this in my own family.
My son Lucas was diagnosed with moderate-to-severe autism one day before his third birthday. My parents and in-laws became an important part of our support system. They loved Lucas, supported us as parents, and learned how to help as his needs changed.
Over the years, many grandparents have also taken my online courses alongside their adult children—or even taken the lead in learning the strategies themselves. They have used what they learned during everyday time with their grandchildren and have seen wonderful progress in communication, behavior, learning, and daily living skills.
I know firsthand how much a knowledgeable and involved grandparent can mean—not only to a child with autism, but to the parents trying to help that child make progress.
If you are a grandparent of a child with autism, signs of autism, or a speech delay, these are some of the most important things you can do:
Grandparents often notice small developmental differences because they know the child and have experience watching other children grow.
They may also provide regular childcare, attend appointments, help pay for services, or give parents the break they need to keep going.
The Grandparents’ Guide to Autism discussed in the video included an earlier survey showing how involved grandparents can be:
These numbers came from an earlier survey and should be viewed as a snapshot rather than current population estimates. However, they demonstrate something I continue to see: grandparents are often much more involved in autism support than people realize.
Research has also found that grandparents want more than general information about autism.
In one study of 120 grandparents of preschoolers with autism, their greatest needs centered on information and childcare. Another study suggested that including grandparents in diagnostic and treatment meetings and improving communication within the family may help grandparents provide more effective support.
Grandparents are most helpful when they understand the family’s plan and feel confident about what to do in real life.
A new autism diagnosis, developmental concern, or speech delay affects the whole family.
Grandparents may experience fear, grief, guilt, anger, confusion, or powerlessness. You may be worried about your grandchild’s future while also worrying about the stress your son or daughter is experiencing.
Those feelings are understandable.
But the child’s parents should not have to manage the grandparents’ emotions on top of everything else they are already facing.
Start by listening.
Ask what would be useful. Avoid blaming one side of the family, questioning every treatment decision, comparing the child to siblings or cousins, or insisting that the parents are worrying too much.
A supportive grandparent can say:
“I love you. I love this child. Tell me what you are working on and how I can help.”
Let the parents take the lead on evaluations, therapy, diet, school, and medical decisions.
If they invite you into a meeting or ask you to learn a strategy, show up ready to listen and take notes. Consistency becomes much easier when the adults agree on a few important priorities.
Tracy is a wonderful example of a grandparent who stepped in with love, urgency, and a willingness to learn.
Tracy and I have known each other for more than 20 years. She helped me write my first book, The Verbal Behavior Approach, and later contributed to Turn Autism Around.
Years ago, she brought her own young twins to me and learned strategies that helped build their language.
More recently, Tracy became concerned about her granddaughter, CeCe.
CeCe had been born two months prematurely and was enrolled in an early-intervention tracking program. At 16 months old, she was not talking and was doing very little babbling.
An assessment identified a speech delay, but the program did not have resources available to help her at that time.
CeCe did not have an autism diagnosis, and this was not about diagnosing her. It was about recognizing a communication delay and taking constructive action.
Because Tracy cared for CeCe during the week, she was in a powerful position to help.
We completed the Barbera Early Childhood Assessment, or BECA, to identify CeCe’s current strengths and needs.
Like many parents and grandparents, Tracy initially wanted to give CeCe credit for a word or skill she had seen once.
Maybe CeCe had pointed one time. Maybe Tracy had heard a word several weeks earlier.
But a baseline needs to show what a child does reliably—not something that happened once.
Seeing a low starting score can be difficult, but an honest baseline gives us a clearer plan. It also allows us to recognize real progress as it happens.
Tracy was worried that CeCe would not sit, attend, or work with us.
She told me CeCe would never sit at a little table.
During our visit, CeCe surprised her.
She sat at the table and stayed engaged for about 15 minutes because the activities were brief, positive, and paired with things she enjoyed.
By the end of the two-hour visit, CeCe attempted the word “bye.”
Soon, Tracy was also hearing approximations of:
These early attempts did not guarantee any particular outcome, and progress is not always perfectly linear.
A child may use a word one day and not use it again the next day. A child may talk during play but say nothing during a formal language sample.
That does not mean the progress disappeared.
Each meaningful attempt gives us information. The goal is to keep creating positive opportunities until useful communication becomes more frequent and reliable.
Want to start making a difference for your child or clients?
The family’s current priority might be requesting, name response, tantrums, eating, sleep, potty training, safety, or another daily challenge.
Ask the parents what they are working on instead of creating a separate plan for your home.
Even if you see several areas that need improvement, start with one or two meaningful goals.
Some children communicate with spoken words or phrases.
Other children use gestures, pictures, signs, or an augmentative and alternative communication device, commonly called AAC.
Learn how your grandchild currently communicates and respond to that communication.
Do not remove or discourage a communication system because you are waiting for the child to speak. The goal is functional communication, whether that happens through speech, gestures, pictures, signs, AAC, or a combination of methods.
Ask the parents which words, prompts, visuals, reinforcers, and routines they are using.
When the adults respond consistently, the child does not have to learn a different rule at every house.
This does not mean grandparents and parents have to handle everything identically. But the most important communication, behavior, and safety strategies should be consistent.
Motivation is an important part of learning.
If your grandchild wants a ball, model the word “ball.” If the child wants to be picked up, model “up.” If the child wants you to open a container, model “open.”
Keep the word connected to the item or action so it has meaning.
This is usually more effective than asking a child to label random pictures or repeat words they do not currently care about.
One of the easiest strategies Tracy implemented was modeling one useful word up to three times.
For example:
“Ball. Ball. Ball.”
“Up. Up. Up.”
“Open. Open. Open.”
Say the word clearly while the child is interested in the item or activity. Then pause briefly to allow an attempt.
The child does not have to repeat the word three times. You are simply giving the child several clear opportunities to hear the word.
Do not continue repeating it until the child becomes frustrated.
Instead of saying, “Say bye,” model the actual language you want the child to use:
“Bye. Bye-bye.”
Instead of saying, “Say ball,” try:
“Ball. Ball. Ball.”
Removing “say” makes the language shorter and gives the child a clearer model.
A communication attempt may not sound like a complete word.
Your grandchild might make a sound, reach, point, look toward an item, use a sign, hand you a picture, or select a word on an AAC device.
Respond to the message while continuing to model the clearest, most useful language.
If the child attempts “buh” for ball, you can say, “Ball! You want the ball,” and give the child the ball.
If there is no attempt, model the word and move forward. Do not tell the child that the attempt was wrong or turn the interaction into a power struggle.
A child does not need to sit through a long teaching session to make progress.
A few focused minutes with a favorite puzzle, snack, song, ball, book, or Potato Head can create many opportunities for learning.
Start with a very short activity and end while things are still going well.
Tracy could not imagine CeCe sitting at a table. But once the table was paired with enjoyable activities and frequent reinforcement, CeCe remained engaged much longer than anyone expected.
Grandparents often spend enough time with a child to notice patterns that might not happen during a therapy appointment.
Write down new words, requests, challenging situations, or successful routines.
You can also complete a 10-minute language sample by writing down every sound, word, approximation, sign, or communication attempt you observe during that period.
Try to repeat the language sample under similar conditions. A child who is tired, hungry, sick, or returning from a busy weekend may communicate differently.
One low sample does not erase progress. Look at patterns over time.
Do not compare your grandchild to a cousin, sibling, neighbor, or another child from your family.
Compare the child’s current skills with their own starting point.
Progress might look like:
Small, consistent gains can become the foundation for much larger changes.
Connection comes before instruction.
Watch what your grandchild enjoys and join the activity without immediately taking over.
If the child loves rolling cars, bubbles, music, water, letters, books, or movement, use that interest to create comfortable shared experiences.
You do not have to force eye contact, conversation, hugs, or a style of play that feels unnatural to the child.
Keep visits predictable when possible. Ask the parents about food preferences, schedules, sensory needs, communication tools, and safety precautions.
Prepare your grandchild for transitions and give them enough time to process language.
A calmer, more predictable visit can make it easier for you and your grandchild to enjoy one another.
Grandparents sometimes notice that a child is not pointing, responding to their name, imitating, talking, playing, or interacting as expected.
If you are concerned, describe what you see without trying to diagnose the child.
For example:
“I’ve noticed that he doesn’t consistently turn when we call his name. Have you noticed that too?”
Specific observations are more useful and less threatening than labels or predictions.
Avoid saying:
Encourage the parents to discuss developmental concerns with their child’s pediatrician and request appropriate screening or evaluation.
Families do not need to wait for an autism diagnosis to ask about a speech delay, hearing evaluation, early intervention, or strategies they can begin using at home.
Do not allow the conversation to become an argument. Share the observation, offer support, and keep the relationship open.
If you live nearby, practical support might include:
Make your offers specific.
“I can stay with the children on Saturday from 1 to 4,” is much easier to answer than, “Let me know if you need anything.”
If you live far away or do not feel prepared to provide childcare, you can still help.
You might:
Distance does not prevent you from becoming an informed and supportive member of the family’s team.
The most effective autism grandparents are not the ones who know everything.
They are the ones who remain curious, respect the parents’ role, learn how the child communicates, and use consistent strategies in everyday life.
Grandparents need support and education, too. In a study of 120 grandparents of young autistic children, some of the greatest reported needs involved access to information and practical guidance for caring for their grandchildren.
Tracy did not wait for CeCe to become older or for someone else to do all the teaching.
She learned how to assess CeCe’s starting point, create short and positive learning opportunities, model useful words, and recognize early communication attempts.
Whether a child has an autism diagnosis, is showing possible signs, or has a speech delay, informed family involvement can help that child receive more consistent support.
If you are a parent, consider sharing this article with a grandparent or caregiver.
If you are a grandparent, ask the parents to choose one goal you can support this week.
Start small, keep it positive, and let the child’s own progress guide the next step.
If your grandchild is not talking, has frequent tantrums, or is falling behind in communication and daily skills, you do not have to keep guessing about what to work on.
More recent research into the experiences and needs of grandparents found that grandparents frequently wanted more information and practical help addressing behavioral challenges. At the same time, many described personal growth and a strong desire to support their families.
My free online workshop helps parents, grandparents, and professionals understand practical steps they can begin using at home.
Watch the free workshop to learn how to increase talking and decrease tantrums.
Want to start making a difference for your child or clients?
Start by asking the parents what kind of support would help most. Learn the child’s communication system, routines, sensory needs, safety plan, and current goals.
Follow the family’s strategies consistently, create enjoyable opportunities to practice skills, and offer practical help such as childcare, meals, transportation, or respite when appropriate.
Follow the child’s interests and communication style. Join favorite activities without forcing eye contact, hugs, conversation, or unfamiliar play.
Keep visits predictable, reduce unnecessary demands, and notice how the child shows enjoyment, stress, and connection. A strong bond may look different for every child.
Consistency across caregivers is usually helpful.
Ask the parents and the child’s professionals which words, prompts, visuals, reinforcement, communication tools, and safety procedures they are using.
Grandparents should not introduce a conflicting treatment plan or discontinue a child’s communication system on their own.
Share specific observations calmly and privately with the parents rather than trying to diagnose the child.
Encourage them to discuss developmental concerns with the pediatrician and request screening or evaluation when appropriate.
The family can also ask about hearing, speech-language services, and early intervention without waiting for an autism diagnosis.
Grandparents can provide valuable communication practice by modeling short, useful words, responding to gestures and other communication attempts, following the child’s communication plan, and creating frequent low-pressure opportunities during play and daily routines.
No strategy can guarantee speech, and some children communicate most effectively through AAC, signs, pictures, or other methods.
Coordinate with the parents and qualified professionals so the child has access to an effective communication system.
