In this episode of the podcast, I delve into six essential strategies based on Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) principles that are incredibly effective for managing toddler tantrums and enhancing communication with children, whether they have autism or not.
These strategies for handling toddler tantrums are split into three preventative measures to reduce the likelihood of tantrums and three reactive strategies to handle them effectively when they do occur.
I emphasize the importance of positive reinforcement and structured interaction sessions, providing practical advice for parents and educators. This approach not only helps in managing toddler tantrums but also in fostering a positive and supportive environment for children’s development.
Whether a child is a toddler, or older they may have tantrums. According to the Cleveland Clinic, a tantrum is an outburst of emotion that typically occurs when a child’s need or wants are unmet.
A toddler tantrum can be physical, verbal or both and may include hitting, kicking, biting or more! Ultimately they are not fun for the child or parent and we want to spend 95% of our time working to prevent toddler tantrums.
As we said before, tantrums tend to occur when a child’s needs and wants are not met. They may occur to get something they want like a toy, or they may occur to get your attention.
According to the principles of behavior analysis, there are four functions of behavior.
When it comes to increasing talking and decreasing tantrums, we want to spend 95% of our time preventing problem behavior. On parents.com, they acknowledge that toddler tantrums can feel wildly unpredictable and that you may feel that there is nothing you can do!
The good news is, you can prevent toddler tantrums and other problem behaviors.
1. 8 Positives to Every Negative
Too often I see in preschool classrooms nagging and attention to minuscule directions that a student may not even be capable of carrying out, all of this attention to what a child is doing wrong is focusing on the negative. Spin that around and be sure to find positives and make them known, even the smallest things that aren’t about their behavior.
The more attention we give to behavior we want to see, the less toddler tantrums we will see.
2. One Word Times Three
When a child is manding for something with a tantrum-like behavior, get ready to give it to them and say the word three times [i.e. water, water, water] before handing them their water bottle.
If the child says or attempts to say the word water, give it to them right away if they don’t, still, give it to them after the third time.
Building language skills so that a child can eventually identify pain, or their emotions is very important.
3. Table Time
If you’ve been a listener, reader, or community member you know I am a big advocate for table time. Table time encourages positive interactions, positive reinforcement, and communication. At table time, we have short sessions where we use familiar toys to build language and learning skills. Providing positive engagement can prevent toddler tantrums.
In addition to these three main preventative strategies you also want to remember to plan your day. If you know big transitions are coming up, use this simple 5-step guide to easing transitions.
Planning ahead and understanding what may trigger a toddler tantrum will help you to prevent them!
1. Stop Attention
When a problem behavior is present, the first priority is safety but if the child is safe, all attention must stop. This means do not yell, talk, count, or label the behavior. Any attention is a reinforcement. We want to be the spoiling, positive parent when things are going well but want to shut that off once a tantrum occurs.
2. Shush and Give
This procedure teaches children that whining or tantrums or problem behaviors do not get them their desired outcome, only calm behavior. If a child is requesting something with a tantrum, try “shhh say it like this…” or if the child cannot talk say “shhh shhh” and when the child is calm give them their desired toy, food, activity, etc. If they for some reason cannot have what they are asking for, try the shush and then give an alternative positive reinforcement (different toy, snack, etc.)
3. Planned Ignoring
Attention is reinforcement, even if you’re silent. If you are with another adult, talk amongst yourselves while you wait for the child to be calm (if you’re alone, scroll your phone or pretend to be writing). This may mean waiting out 30 seconds to a few minutes of crying BUT as soon as the child stops crying and appears calm, give them all of your attention and redirect them to a new activity.
Remember, yelling, or talking about problem behavior excessively, during or after the tantrum is not effective.
Tantrums are hard on everyone, you may be feeling emotionally drained and chances are so is your child.
We want to move on from tantrums as quickly as possible, redirect to more positive activities and remember not to take the tantrum personally or hold resentment towards the child. They are learning, and so are we.
Immediately after a tantrum, go back to preventing 95% of the time and back to fun and positivity!
All in all we want to prevent tantrums 95% of the time by creating a positive learning environment and spending a lot of our day doing activities to build language skills.
When tantrums do happen, we want to be concise, and limit attention. We want to support the child to calm down so that they can ask for what they want positively and we can work through big emotions while not giving attention to behavior we don’t want to see.
I hope these 6 strategies will help you to decrease toddler tantrums and increase communication skills!
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