How to Stop a Toddler from Throwing Things and Hitting Me – Solving Problem Behaviors

Do you have a toddler who is hitting and/or throwing things? In this interview with our program director Rachel Smith, we discuss how she and her husband got her son Everett to stop throwing and hitting in only two days—after dealing with both behaviors multiple times a day for years. When Everett was two and three years old, hitting and throwing happened frequently. Rachel, who is the mom of two kids and has a master’s degree in special education, shares her story in this positive toddler parenting episode. We go over an incident Everett had at my house, what I recommended to stop throwing and hitting, what Rachel did, and how the whole process unfolded. This is a rare opportunity to peek behind the curtain and see how you might be able to help your child or clients reduce major problem behaviors to zero or near zero. Shortly after Everett turned three, Rachel brought him to my house to do some videos and take pictures. Since my home wasn’t all that familiar to him, and because he was in a new situation with added pressure, Everett showed some throwing and hitting behaviors. They weren’t extremely dangerous, but they were concerning. Rachel, despite her background in special education and experience as our program director, admitted that in the moment she struggled. Like many parents, she found herself reasoning with Everett, offering bribes, and using threats such as, “If you’re not going to be nice, we have to leave.” She also tried to encourage apologies, which tends to place more attention on problem behaviors. One specific incident stood out. After being asked to pick up a Play-Doh container, Everett threw it, then banged it against the wall. Later, while leaving, he threw a metal train at Rachel’s car. At that point, Rachel felt overwhelmed, almost in tears, and asked me what she should do differently. Free Assessment At this point, I’d like to remind listeners about the free 10-minute digital assessment I created for parents of young children. Tens of thousands have already completed it. It can help you find your starting point to help children with and without delays or autism. Visit marybarbera.com/assessment to take it today. The Email and Plan After Rachel left that day, I sent her an email with recommendations. We’ll include that email in the show notes at marybarbera.com/185 so you can read it in full. The key point was that Everett’s behaviors were being reinforced—mainly by attention, even though Rachel didn’t intend it. The plan was simple: Remove items from Everett’s hands when problem behavior occurred. Ignore the behavior (no talking, scolding, or reasoning in the moment). Stop threats and bribes. Wipe the slate clean once Everett calmed down—no rehashing the problem behavior later. Set clear rules: no throwing inside, no hitting, and toys stay in the car or cup holders when leaving the house. Positive Parenting Rachel and her husband Riley sat Everett down after dinner in a calm moment to explain the new rules. They told him: “You’re a big boy now. We can’t throw our toys or hit people anymore. If you do, Mommy and Daddy will take the toys out of your hands until you calm down. You’ll get them back once you’re calm.” They also clarified that only balls could be thrown, and only outside. By setting this consistent rule, Everett knew what was expected. Story Time The very same evening, Everett tested the rule. He threw a toy dinosaur. Rachel calmly picked it up, removed the toy still in his hand, and turned away to talk to Riley. Within 30 seconds, Everett tugged her shirt and politely asked for his toy back. Rachel praised his calm voice, returned the toy, and they moved on without further discussion. The next day, when it happened again, she repeated the process. Everett cried briefly, then quickly calmed down and asked appropriately. After just a few trials, Everett began pausing and taking a deep breath instead of throwing. At the beach soon after, when his cousins were throwing sand, Everett picked some up, looked at Rachel, and asked, “Mommy, can I throw the sand?” Rachel said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, buddy.” Everett put the sand down—showing he had learned the rule. Results In just two days, Everett’s throwing and hitting dropped from three times a day to nearly zero. Rachel noticed he was much easier to manage, outings became more enjoyable, and she felt more confident—even taking both of her boys and her niece to a theme park alone without issues. This success shows that these techniques are not only for children with autism or significant delays. They can be applied to toddlers with typical development, speech delays, or other challenges—all in a child-friendly, positive way. If your child is throwing, hitting, or engaging in other problem behaviors daily, these techniques can help you reduce them to near zero. Safety always comes first, and if you’re dealing with severe behaviors, you may need a professional behavior analyst to guide you. But for many families, simple strategies like these can bring quick and lasting improvements. Stress Reduction Tip Finally, I asked Rachel to share her own self-care tip. With two little ones, she’s learned the importance of asking for help and taking breaks. She reminded parents that needing a break doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you a better one. She also enjoys reading as a way to recharge. You can get the full show notes, including the email I sent to Rachel, at marybarbera.com/185. 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