Why is My Child with Autism Crying So Much?

Kids with autism or signs of autism cry for many reasons, and trying to figure out why they are crying can be tricky. Today’s video blog is all about the reasons why kids might be crying and how you can help turn this behavior around. Hi, I’m Dr. Mary Barbera, autism mom, Board Certified Behavior Analyst, and bestselling author. Each week, I provide you with some of my ideas about turning autism and signs of autism around—so if you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube channel, you can do that now. As a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, I’ve been in many situations with kids crying. Once, I went out to do an initial evaluation and the child cried during the entire session. We don’t want kids crying—that’s never a good thing. I like to use the analogy of me learning to fly a plane. When I start, I have no idea how to fly. I get into the cockpit and there’s a zillion levers all around me, and someone starts explaining what they all do. It’s going way over my head, and I might start crying. If the instruction keeps going, I’m sobbing, maybe even hyperventilating. At that point, I don’t even want to fly the plane. I’m so overwhelmed, and if the person just keeps going while I’m sobbing, I’m not learning anything about those levers. When kids are crying and professionals or parents continue with demands in that moment, it just doesn’t work. The child who is crying is not going to be learning at the same time. Crying—or any kind of problem behavior—can also be an indication of the child being in some kind of pain. As a registered nurse and a behavior analyst, I’ve done blogs on ruling out medical issues, which is especially important when kids are not talking or not conversational. I’ve also created a video blog on how to teach children to indicate they are in pain, starting with labeling and identifying body parts. But like the plane analogy, sometimes the crying isn’t about pain. It’s about being overwhelmed by demands with little reinforcement, and kids who can’t communicate well often cry for that reason. Even newborn babies cry as a form of communication—to be fed, to have their diaper changed, or to be held. Crying is the very first form of communication. So if a child is crying, often it means the demands are too high and the reinforcement is too low. That’s something I say a lot because I see it so often. The solution is to make reinforcement really high and demands really low, then gradually raise expectations as reinforcement is faded. But crying is not something we should just accept as part of autism—or as part of being two, three, four, or ten years old. There are definitely steps you can take. I’ve done a video blog on tackling problem behaviors, which you can check out after this. The important first step is always assessment: is the crying from pain, from being overwhelmed, from communication difficulties, or from demands being too high? What reinforcement is in place? Once you have that information, you can make a plan. A big part of the plan should be to spend 95% of your time preventing problem behaviors, including crying. I also recommend my simple paper calendar system to keep track of crying and other problem behaviors. It’s a great tool to help you and your team start turning things around. In summary: if you have a child or client who is crying—whether they have autism, signs of autism, or are typically developing—the steps are the same. Start with assessment, make a plan, and use a calendar or data system to track progress. All of this is outlined in my free three-step guide, available at marybarbera.com/join. If you liked this video blog, I’d love it if you leave me a comment, give me a thumbs up, share the video with others who might benefit, and subscribe to the channel for more videos like this. And don’t forget to download the free guide at marybarbera.com/join. I’ll see you right here next week.