How to Discipline a Child with Autism – Positive Parenting Techniques

Autism professionals and parents often have a lot of questions surrounding disciplining children with and without autism. There’s added confusion about what discipline is, and how you should do it. So today, we’re talking all about the important subject of discipline. Hi, I’m Dr. Mary Barbera—autism mom, board-certified behavior analyst, and best-selling author. Each week I provide you with some of my ideas about turning autism around. So if you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube channel, you can do that now. The word discipline, according to the dictionary, means training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. Therefore, when you think of the word discipline, you often think of punishment. As a behavior analyst who believes in an almost exclusively positive approach, this definition is upsetting. Even though some forms of discipline, like spanking, are now considered abusive (as I believe they should be), other punishment techniques like time-out, threats, and even yelling or verbal reprimands are still used in schools and homes pretty frequently. But for decades, the research has shown that all animals, including humans, learn best in the absence of punishment or the threat of punishment. The best book I know on parenting with a totally positive approach is Positive Parenting by Glen Latham. This book outlines the importance of a positive approach for all children. Unfortunately, many still don’t use a completely positive approach and often include punishment or the threat of punishment in both homes and schools. There’s an even bigger issue when it comes to disciplining kids with autism and related developmental disorders, particularly the use of punishment. Today, I’m going to highlight some important considerations for kids with special needs as it relates to discipline. 1. Don’t Use Chronological Age as a Guide Children with autism often have language and cognitive delays, making them incapable of understanding the language of even simple rules such as “We keep our hands to ourselves” or “We need to be quiet now.” A six-year-old might have the language ability of a two-year-old. That child cannot be expected to know how to stand in line, keep an appropriate distance from peers, or wait for classmates. All children need to be taught based on their abilities, strengths, and needs—not their chronological age. Reprimanding or punishing a child for not following classroom rules when they don’t have the comprehension to understand those rules is simply inappropriate. 2. Don’t Use Threats, Yelling, or Punishments Many parents and teachers of kids with and without disabilities don’t know how to discipline without threats and punishment. We were never taught this in college or even high school. Even classroom management courses for teachers are not deeply focused on Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), which is the science of changing socially significant behavior. The methods often used—time-out, yelling, or scolding—frequently backfire. Children may become more disruptive over time, not less. Think of it this way: if I tried to fix your car without training as a mechanic, I’d likely make a mess of things. In the same way, treating problem behavior without proper understanding almost always makes the situation worse. In general, treating problem behavior “willy-nilly” is a bad idea. You need a thought-out plan for addressing behaviors, not reactions made in the heat of the moment. 3. Be Careful with Time-Out Time-out is one of the most overused and misapplied procedures. If it’s used, it should be rare, targeted, and effective in decreasing behavior. Before becoming a behavior analyst, I used time-out only a handful of times with my typically developing son Spencer and never with Lucas, who has moderate to severe autism. Since becoming a BCBA in 2003, I’ve recommended time-out only in rare cases—always after a careful assessment, lots of data collection, and trying a positive approach first. If you’re using time-out daily or even weekly, you’re overreacting and not preventing problem behaviors effectively. For professionals, time-out should only be part of a planned intervention, agreed upon by the team and parents, with consistent data collection and paired with positive reinforcement strategies. What to Do Instead Now that I’ve told you what not to do—don’t base discipline solely on chronological age, don’t use threats or punishment regularly, and don’t overuse time-out—you might be wondering what to do instead. Here are a few tips: Perform an Individual Assessment. Every child deserves an evaluation of strengths and needs. You can start with my free one-page assessment as part of my three-step guide at marybarbera.com/join. Consider Support Needs. If a child has the language ability of a much younger child, don’t expect them to follow advanced rules. They may need one-on-one support at school and focused teaching at home. Learn About ABA Using a Positive Approach. Focus on learning as much as you can about ABA and how to use positive reinforcement, rather than punishment, with all children—especially those with autism. I hope you found this discussion on discipline helpful. If you did, I’d love for you to leave me a comment, share what discipline means to you, give me a thumbs up, and share this video with others who might benefit. To learn more about helping children with autism, download my free guide at marybarbera.com/join. I’ll see you right here next week.