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Held Back or Kicked Out of Daycare or Preschool?

  • Hearing your toddler was kicked out of daycare can feel devastating—but it’s more common than parents realize. Research shows 1 in 6 children with autism are expelled from daycare or preschool before kindergarten.

  • Just like not all screen time is equal, not all daycare settings are equal. Sometimes expulsions happen because of behavior, communication delays, or simply a mismatch between a child’s needs and the environment.

  • Parents can take proactive steps—knowing developmental milestones, seeking early evaluations, and using child-friendly strategies at home—to help their child succeed and reduce the risk of being removed from daycare.

  • Dr. Mary Barbera’s proven four-step approach offers practical strategies to decrease tantrums, increase communication, and create consistency across home and school.

  • To get started, parents can take Mary’s and learn more strategies in her free workshop at marybarbera.com/workshop.

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If your child was kicked out of daycare or faced preschool expulsion, you’re not alone—this happens far more often for children with autism, ADHD, or developmental delays. This post explains why expulsions happen (behavior challenges, communication delays, safety concerns, and potty training struggles), shares real-life examples, and highlights research showing 1 in 6 kids with autism are expelled before kindergarten. You’ll also learn three concrete steps parents can take—tracking milestones, getting evaluations, and using child-friendly ABA strategies at home—as well as ways to partner with staff, prevent expulsion, and find better-fitting environments. Finally, we answer the top 5 FAQs parents ask when their child is removed from daycare or preschool, so you can move forward with confidence and practical tools.

Why Children Get Kicked Out of Daycare

Daycare and preschool expulsions happen at rates much higher than in K–12 schools, especially for children with autism, ADHD, or developmental delays. There was a research study done in 2023 that indicates 1 in 6 kids with autism will be asked to leave their daycare or preschool setting. 

Common reasons include:

  • Behavior Challenges: Biting, hitting, tantrums, or property destruction.

  • Communication Delays: Children who can’t express needs may act out.

  • Safety Concerns: Running away (elopement) or unsafe behavior.

  • Potty Training Delays: Especially during transitions between classrooms. Many kids will be expelled from preschool if they are not potty trained by age 3. 

  • Lack of Staff Training: Many programs—even those advertising “autism daycare”—don’t have the tools to support challenging behaviors in a daycare or preschool setting.

preschool expulsion. autism daycare kicked out.

Lucas’ Story: My Experience With Preschool Expulsion

When my son Lucas was two, we enrolled him in a toddler preschool program that met twice a week. At first, everything seemed fine—he separated from me easily, sat in circle time, and wasn’t causing any major problems.

Midyear, however, his teacher and the preschool director asked to meet with us. They explained that Lucas wasn’t engaging with peers and had very limited language. Because he had a summer birthday, he was younger than many classmates, and they were concerned he wasn’t ready to move up to the three-year-old class, where potty training and greater independence were expected. Their recommendation was to keep him in the toddler class for another year and have him evaluated.

A few months later—just one day before his third birthday—Lucas was officially diagnosed with autism.

Looking back, I realize I was in denial for a long time. My husband had even raised the possibility of autism when Lucas was only 21 months old, but I brushed it off. By the time the preschool expressed concern, we had started speech therapy and were doing our best, but I didn’t yet know how to help him build skills or use more language.

Now, decades later, Lucas is 29 and still has moderate-to-severe autism and an intellectual disability. He needs 24/7 supervision and care. But remembering that meeting with his preschool teachers reminds me how many parents face that gut-wrenching moment of hearing that their child has been held back—or even kicked out of daycare.

What I want parents to know is this: expulsion or retention doesn’t mean your child is “bad” or doomed to fail. More often, it signals a mismatch between the child’s needs and the environment. With the right tools, strategies, and support, you can help your child make progress and set them up for success in school and beyond.

How to Prevent Being Kicked Out of Daycare

Even though preschool expulsion is higher in the autistic population, it doesn’t mean that success in daycare or preschool isn’t possible. 

Some steps you can take to prevent a child being kicked out of daycare include; 

  • Partner with Staff: Share calming strategies and routines that work at home.

  • Teach Replacement Skills: Work at home to teach skills that will support the child in daycare. Replace biting or hitting with simple communication skills.

  • Request Accommodations: Ask for visual supports or outside specialist input like having your ABA team, speech therapy, or OT come do some training or support.

  • Consider Specialized Programs: Some children benefit from environments designed for autism or developmental delays.

  • Use Universal Strategies: Positive reinforcement, visual schedules, calm corners, and consistent rules help most children thrive.

Three Steps Parents Can Take After Preschool Expulsion

1. Know the Milestones

Be aware of developmental milestones beyond walking and talking—such as pointing, playing with peers, sitting in circle time, and self-care skills like drinking from an open cup. You can use the CDC’s milestone checklists or Dr. Barbera’s free BECA digital assessment to identify areas of delay.

2. Get an Evaluation

Contact your pediatrician and request an early intervention evaluation. In the U.S., free or low-cost services are available through state early intervention programs.

3. Learn Child-Friendly ABA Strategies at Home

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), when done with a positive, step-by-step approach, can help every child make progress. Dr. Barbera’s four-step approach emphasizes reinforcement, skill-building, and parent involvement.

Moving Forward After Being Kicked Out

  • Don’t Blame Yourself or Your Child: Expulsion reflects a mismatch, not failure.

  • Identify the Reasons: Ask the daycare directly, and avoid defensiveness.

  • Focus on Skill-Building at Home: Reinforce good behavior, teach communication, and practice routines.

  • Seek Better-Fitting Environments: Some parents need immediate care—if so, look for programs with inclusion supports or trained staff.

Final Thoughts on Being Kicked Out of Daycare

If your child was kicked out of daycare or preschool, remember: it doesn’t define their future. With the right support, children can thrive in new environments, learn communication, reduce problem behaviors, and gain independence.

👉 To learn more, watch Dr. Mary Barbera’s free workshop on practical strategies to increase talking, decrease tantrums, and give your child the best chance to succeed: marybarbera.com/workshop.

Want to Learn how to Increase Talking & Decrease Tantrums in Children with Autism or Toddlers Showing Signs?

Want to start making a difference for your child or clients?

I’m Ready to Learn!

Top Questions About Preschool Expulsion and Being Kicked out of Daycare

Children are often expelled due to behavior challenges (biting, hitting, tantrums, property destruction), communication delays that lead to frustration, or safety concerns like running away from the classroom.

Sometimes potty training delays can also prevent a child from moving up to the next classroom. Importantly, research shows teacher stress and lack of training play a large role—many staff members aren’t equipped to manage challenging behaviors, especially in children with autism or ADHD (Healthy Children – AAP).

Learn how to teach some common skills that, without, can cause preschool expulsion here.

Preschool expulsion happens much more often than most parents realize. In fact, preschoolers are expelled at three times the rate of children in kindergarten through 12th grade. Research from 2023 notes that 1 in 6 children with autism are expelled before kindergarten, which highlights how vulnerable children with developmental delays are.

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Not necessarily. While expulsion is more common for children with autism, there are many possible reasons. Some children may have ADHD symptoms, speech and language delays, or simply a mismatch between their needs and the environment. 

That said, expulsion should always be a sign that your child needs additional support. Parents can use developmental milestone checklists or assessments like Dr. Barbera’s BECA to spot delays, and seek a professional evaluation if concerns arise.

Early expulsion can set children back socially and academically. Research shows that children who are suspended or expelled from preschool are more likely to experience academic struggles, grade retention, negative attitudes toward school, and even later involvement with the justice system.

Beyond academics, being kicked out at age two, three, or four can affect a child’s self-esteem and social development—making it harder to adjust in future school environments. This is why it is important to take steps to prevent being kicked out of daycare. 

Parents and teachers can work together to prevent expulsion by partnering on strategies that work at home, teaching replacement skills, requesting accommodations (like visual supports), and considering specialized programs.

On a broader level, experts recommend teacher training, mental health consultation, and reducing teacher stress as proven ways to reduce expulsion rates in kids with and without autism.

First, remember it’s not your fault or your child’s fault. As Dr. Barbera explains, expulsion usually reflects a mismatch between your child’s needs and the environment. The next steps include:

About the Author

Dr. Mary Barbera, RN, BCBA-D is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, and Board Certified Behavior Analyst with a Ph.D. in leadership. As both an autism mom and professional, Mary brings over 25 years of experience helping thousands of parents and professionals around the world. She is the creator of the Turn Autism Around® approach and author of The Verbal Behavior Approach and Turn Autism Around: An Action Guide for Parents of Young Children with Early Signs of Autism. Through her books, online courses, and podcast, Mary empowers families to increase talking, reduce tantrums, and improve life skills in young children with autism or signs of autism.