Number one, whenever we’re looking at any kind of problem, we have to start with an assessment. When people start saying, “I’m in big fights with the school,” or “this parent’s being out of control,” or whatever the situation is, let’s start with the facts. What’s the assessment? What does it show language-wise and behavior-wise? How old is the child and where are they academically? Do they have a sibling in the district or are they transitioning into kindergarten or from elementary into middle school? Get as much assessment data as you can to get a clear picture. These are all factors. Also, find out if there’s been any regression.
Besides the assessment, look at the current plan, whether that’s an IEP in the United States or, if you’re birth to three, you’ll get an IFSP. If you’re an adult, you’ll get a different type of plan. Or maybe you’re in another country where maybe there are no plans. But if insurance or someone is paying for ABA or for some educational program or behavioral program, there is probably an assessment, there’s probably a plan and there’s probably a few goals in place. That’s just, in my experience, the way things work. You always need to start with an assessment.
Then you need to look at placement. What I find a lot is that people are like, “my son needs a one-to-one,” or “my daughter would do better at a private ABA school. She’s floundering in public school.” That’s jumping to the placement before we look at the assessment, the plan, the goals and things like that. You shouldn’t be thinking that far out because everyone’s going to have to see how he or she does first.
When you are thinking about the placement, it needs to be based on the child and what they can handle and what they’ll understand. I was at a conference once and they were selling shirts that said on the front “I have autism” and on the back, they said, “don’t waste my time.” I thought this was really good, even though I am very pro inclusion. But inclusion only works if it’s maximally beneficial to the child.
My second tip is picking a collaboration style over a competitive style. When you’re buying a car, for instance, you don’t have a relationship with the person you’re buying the car from. The outcome is of high importance. You want to get the best car and the best deal. You can be much more aggressive in your negotiation because you’re never going to see these people again. When you pick a style for negotiation, you have to think about the relationship, if there’s any relationship or if there’s going to be a relationship down the line. Also, think about the outcome in the end. I think working with the educational system and using a collaborative style and focusing on the child is really going to be in the long run your best ability to help your child.
I ended up taking a two-day boot camp with Wrights Law. We looked at IQ scores – and not just the main score. We looked at the subscores of the IQ test and talked about how to see if a child is potentially gifted and learning disabled, and so much more that I never ever thought were particularly helpful. The more you learn about what a child needs to overcome some of their issues and learning disabilities, the more helpful you can be.
The fourth tip is if there is disagreement among the parties, such as the school and the parent or the teacher and the parent, go back to the assessment and the plan to see if there’s a goal. You can say, “I think my son needs a one-to-one, is there a goal? Is there a behavior plan that supports that? Does the assessment support that?” Remember that it all has to lead into the placement and the program – which includes the fact that your child may need a one-to-one.
If there’s such disagreement that you can’t work it out, then at that point maybe getting an independent evaluation – a facilitated IEP in the United States – would be helpful. It doesn’t have to be a full independent evaluation but it could be taking your child to a speech therapist for an evaluation at a hospital and then using that data to show if your child is grade levels behind, for instance. But sometimes having someone come in, who doesn’t have any ties to the child or what the outcomes should be, to make recommendations can be helpful.
My last tip is don’t forget about positive reinforcement. We all need at least five positives to every negative. That includes our kids, teachers, parents, school administrators, and principals. If you’re in fight mode all the time, you’re not going to get very far. Do remember that when people really give it their all to make things better, to give them praise and them some reinforcement.
