How to Get Parents Out of Autism Denial

  • Autism denial is common and often driven by fear and lack of understanding.

  • Recognizing early signs like delayed speech, lack of eye contact, and repetitive behaviors can lead to earlier intervention.

  • Denial delays critical interventions, making it harder for children to catch up developmentally.

  • Immediate steps to take: Read Turn Autism Around, complete the BECA assessment, and attend a free online workshop.

I’m often asked “How do you get a parent out of autism denial?” In the first page of my book, The Verbal Behavior Approach, I say that my husband first mentioned the possibility of autism when Lucas was only 21 months old. I was horrified and I told him that I never ever wanted to hear the word autism again. And it’s kind of ironic because I say, speak, type, and write autism so many times a day now. I have learned a lot about autism and autism denial in the last couple decades! 

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Coaching

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Invest in support from Dr. Mary Barbera and her coaching team. By application only. Get individualized feedback so that your child or client (with or without a diagnosis of autism) can make the most progress in the shortest amount of time. Get all the details and fill out a confidential application today!

5 Days to More Talking DIY Mini-Course

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Are you ready to start turning language delays around, but not sure how? Then this 5 Day mini-course is a great way to get started. In just 5 days you’ll learn how to complete important assessments and create a plan to increase language, all while avoiding common mistakes often made and making the process fun and engaging for your child or clients.

Online Course & Community

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Start using a child-friendly and proven approach to increase talking, decrease problem behaviors and improve picky eating, sleeping, potty training and more for parents and professionals helping kids with autism and toddlers showing signs.

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High-Touch
Coaching

$5K+

By Application Only

Invest in support from Dr. Mary Barbera and her coaching team. By application only. Get individualized feedback so that your child or client (with or without a diagnosis of autism) can make the most progress in the shortest amount of time. Get all the details and fill out a confidential application today!

Online Course & Community

$997

$200 Off Now!

Start using a child-friendly and proven approach to increase talking, decrease problem behaviors and improve picky eating, sleeping, potty training and more for parents and professionals helping kids with autism and toddlers showing signs.

5 Days to More Talking DIY Mini-Course

$30 Off Now!

$97

$67

Are you ready to start turning language delays around, but not sure how? Then this 5 Day mini-course is a great way to get started. In just 5 days you’ll learn how to complete important assessments and create a plan to increase language, all while avoiding common mistakes often made and making the process fun and engaging for your child or clients.

What is Autism Denial?

Autism denial occurs when parents or family members refuse to acknowledge that a child may be showing signs of autism. Often driven by fear, misunderstanding, and societal stigma, denial can lead to significant delays in diagnosis and intervention.

In my own experience, despite being a registered nurse with extensive medical knowledge, I went into a state of denial when my husband first suggested that our son Lucas might have autism at 21 months old. Lucas seemed perfect to me—warm, cuddly, with a handful of words—and did not match the stereotypical image of autism I had at the time.

Recognizing the Early Signs of Autism

Recognizing the signs of autism early is crucial for timely intervention. Common early indicators include lack of eye contact, delayed speech, limited gestures such as pointing, excessive focus on objects rather than people, and repetitive behaviors. Some children may also display sensory sensitivities or struggle with transitions.autism denial, autism diagnosis denial

Parents may overlook these signs or misattribute them to personality differences, speech delays, or other non-autism-related factors. However, if your child is not meeting developmental milestones, it’s important to seek an evaluation rather than waiting to “see if they grow out of it.” Early intervention is key to helping children reach their full potential.

My Story of Autism Denial

The first time my husband brought up autism, I was angry and adamant that I never wanted to hear that word again. This response plunged me into a deep denial lasting over a year. Unfortunately, during this critical time, Lucas fell further behind his peers. Reflecting now, that lost year was incredibly impactful.

Denial often arises from fear of the future and uncertainty about a child’s potential. Maybe parents think their child might just outgrow the delays or struggles. This was true in my case. However, I’ve since learned and personally witnessed how early interventions like Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) can dramatically change outcomes for children, even allowing some kids to gain so many skills they may no longer meet the criteria for autism. 

Parents Autism Denial- The Impact

Denial delays critical interventions that can profoundly improve a child’s life. My delay in recognizing Lucas’s autism meant he missed valuable intervention during a crucial developmental window. The longer parents remain in denial, the more significant the potential delays and developmental gaps become, which can require more intensive support later on.

In two-parent homes, it’s common for one parent to experience stronger denial than the other, often causing marital tension. Family dynamics, including extended family opinions, can further complicate and prolong the denial phase, impacting the child’s access to timely interventions.

autism denial, parent autism denial, autism diagnosis

Waiting Lists and Their Role in Autism Denial

One of the biggest challenges parents face today is the long waiting lists for autism evaluations and therapy. With more awareness of autism, more parents are seeking assessments, but the demand often outpaces the availability of specialists. In some areas, parents are waiting 9 months to 2 years just for an initial evaluation.

The frustration of these wait times can sometimes reinforce denial. Parents may feel that since they can’t get an immediate diagnosis, there’s no harm in waiting longer to address concerns. However, this delay can be detrimental. Even without a diagnosis, parents can take proactive steps to implement evidence-based strategies that help with communication, behavior, and learning while awaiting professional support. My online courses are a popular choice for those who want to help their kids while on wait lists. 

How to Get Out of Autism Denial

So what can you do if you are in denial or you have encountered a parent who is having autism denial? 

Here are two critical steps to help yourself or others move beyond denial:

1. Offer Hope

Fear fuels denial. Reassure yourself or your loved ones by highlighting the hope and possibilities available through early interventions. Studies indicate that nearly 37% of children diagnosed with autism early can significantly improve, sometimes to the point where they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria.

My own research with a little girl named Elena demonstrated remarkable progress, from having just two words to achieving 180 words and phrases within a month of intervention. Elena now thrives academically and socially in elementary school without additional support. Hope is a powerful motivator to break denial.

2. Meet Parents Where They Are with Data

Approach the parent who is in denial gently, using objective data. When a parent can clearly see the missing milestones, they can sometimes get on board. You don’t have to start with pointing out autism for those in autism denial.  Begin with less intimidating steps like speech evaluations or developmental checklists available from the CDC’s Act Early initiative. My Barbera Early Childhood Assessment (BECA) is another excellent tool to present factual data regarding developmental milestones.

By presenting data in a non-threatening, factual manner, you can help reduce the emotional barriers to acceptance. If one parent remains resistant, advocate for proceeding with interventions yourself. Once positive progress becomes apparent, resistance often softens.

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How to Help Someone in Autism Denial

If you have a loved one who is struggling with autism denial, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and patience. A few key strategies include:

  • Encourage small steps – Rather than pushing for an immediate autism evaluation, suggest a general developmental checkup or a speech therapy assessment as an initial step.

  • Provide success stories – Share real-life examples of children who have benefited from early intervention, which can make the idea of seeking help less overwhelming.

  • Avoid blame or confrontation – Instead of saying, “You’re in denial,” try expressing concern with phrases like, “I’ve noticed some delays, and I think early help could make a difference.”

  • Introduce educational resources – Suggest books, articles, or my free workshop to provide factual information in a low-pressure way.

Sometimes, acceptance takes time, and pushing too hard can create resistance. Lead by example by implementing helpful strategies yourself and demonstrating positive changes.

Taking Action for Autism Denial 

If you’re concerned about a child aged one to five exhibiting signs of autism, speech delays, or developmental challenges, I strongly recommend:

These steps can equip you with practical tools and strategies to begin effective intervention right away.

Final Thoughts on Autism Denial

Breaking through autism denial can be challenging, but it’s a crucial step towards a brighter future for your child. Through education, early intervention, and a supportive approach, parents can overcome denial, advocating effectively for their child’s potential. I’m passionate about helping families turn autism around, and I invite you to join our community today.

Let’s move forward, informed and empowered.

Want to Learn how to Increase Talking & Decrease Tantrums in Children with Autism or Toddlers Showing Signs?

Want to start making a difference for your child or clients?

Top 5 Autism Denial FAQ

Early signs include delayed speech, lack of eye contact, repetitive behaviors, not responding to their name, and difficulty with social interactions. If you notice these signs, it’s important to seek an evaluation early.

Denial can delay early interventions, making it harder for a child to catch up developmentally. The earlier a child receives therapy and support, the better their chances for improvement.

Offer hope, present factual data gently, and encourage small steps like a speech evaluation or developmental screening. Avoid confrontational language and provide educational resources to help them understand autism better.

Start by educating yourself with trusted resources. Take small steps by seeking a speech or developmental evaluation. Reach out to support groups or professionals who can provide guidance. Most importantly, focus on the progress your child can make rather than fearing the diagnosis.

Even without a diagnosis, parents can implement strategies such as speech development exercises, structured routines, and behavior management techniques. Online resources like the BECA assessment and my Turn Autism Around book can help guide early intervention.

Ready to Start Turning Autism (or Signs of Autism) Around?
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(or Signs of Autism) Around?

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