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How To Help Your Toddler Talk! Hot Seat #4 with Elissa

• When Elissa wanted to help her toddler talk, she started with a simple assessment to identify Lexi’s strengths and gaps instead of guessing what to teach next.

• Structured table time helped Elissa help her toddler talk by increasing focus, repetition, and clear opportunities for imitation and labeling.

• Using the “1 Word x 3” strategy daily helped Elissa help her toddler talk — and Lexi began echoing and attempting new words within weeks.

• If you want to help your toddler talk like Elissa did, start with Dr. Mary Barbera’s free resources, including the BECA assessment and podcast episodes at https://marybarbera.com.

Want to Learn how to Increase Talking & Decrease Tantrums in Children with Autism or Toddlers Showing Signs?

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If you’re worried about your toddler not talking, you are not alone.

When Elissa’s daughter Lexi was two and a half, she wasn’t responding to her name consistently, had experienced regressions, and wasn’t talking. After an autism diagnosis and long therapy waitlists, Elissa felt what so many parents feel:

“I just know that I feel like I need to be doing more.”

In this post, I’m going to walk you through exactly how to help your toddler talk using the same 4-step plan Elissa followed — and the strategies that helped Lexi go from babbling to echoing and labeling in just weeks.

Whether they have an autism diagnosis or just a speech delay, these strategies will help you learn how to help your toddler talk! 

Why a Toddler May Not Be Talking

Before we jump into strategies, it’s important to understand why a toddler may not be talking yet.

Speech delays don’t happen randomly. There are usually underlying skill gaps.

Here are some common reasons:

1. Stronger Receptive Than Expressive Language

Some toddlers understand far more than they can say. That was true for Lexi — she could point to objects and respond to her name but wasn’t echoing or requesting.

If a child understands but doesn’t imitate sounds, the missing link may be echoic (vocal imitation) skills.

2. Limited Imitation Skills

Talking requires imitation. If a child cannot easily copy clapping, patting, or simple mouth movements, speech imitation will be harder.

Imitation is often the foundation that unlocks language.

3. Communication Is Being Replaced by Crying or Grabbing

Lexi would cry and grab instead of requesting.

If crying works, there’s less motivation to use words. We must gently shift reinforcement so communication becomes more powerful than problem behaviors.

4. Structured Teaching for Language

If a toddler is constantly on the move, grabbing items, or overwhelmed by materials, they may not get enough focused practice with language.

Structured table time solved this for Lexi. When learning became predictable and reinforcing, language started emerging.

5. Underlying Developmental Delays

Some toddlers may have autism or other developmental delays affecting:

  • Joint attention

  • Social engagement

  • Imitation

  • Play skills

These are all precursors to speech.

The key takeaway?

When you build the foundation skills, speech can follow, and if you are feeling stuck on building these skills, do what Elissa did and start here. 

Early Intervention and ABA

When Lexi was first diagnosed, as a special education teacher, Elissa knew the importance of intervention and therapy right away. It may come as no surprise that she was met with some hurdles and outrageously long waitlists. Elissa was able to secure limited early intervention and is just about to start ABA services. I have done several podcasts about finding ABA therapy and what to look for and we talk a bit about that today. When you have an approach that is working, it is important to stick to that even if it’s not what your ABA provider typically does. Become an advocate for your child and therapy that works.

Steps to Help Your Toddler Talk

Step 1: Assess Language 

One of the biggest mistakes parents make when trying to help a toddler talk is jumping straight into random strategies without a clear starting point.

Elissa completed a simple one-page assessment when Lexi was 2 years, 5 months old.

Here’s what it revealed:

Strengths

  • Responded to her name most of the time

  • Could point to objects in a book

  • Slept through the night

Needs

  • No consistent requesting (would cry and grab instead)

  • Babbling but not echoing words

  • Limited imitation and matching

This assessment made one thing clear:

Lexi had stronger receptive language than expressive language — she understood more than she could say.

That clarity shaped the entire plan.

Step 2: Use Structured Table Time to Build Language

If you’ve been told to “just follow your child’s lead,” this part might surprise you.

Elissa admitted she was skeptical about table time at first. But after pairing the table with fun activities, something amazing happened:

When Elissa said, “Lexi, let’s go play at the table,” Lexi ran to the room and sat down ready to work.

Why did this matter?

Because when toddlers are moving constantly, grabbing items, or stimming with objects, it’s very hard to:

  • Get repeated learning trials

  • Build imitation

  • Practice new words

  • Reduce frustration

At the table:

  • The adult controls materials

  • Reinforcement is clear

  • Distractions are reduced

  • Learning becomes predictable

For Lexi, favorite materials included:

  • Mr. Potato Head

  • Animal puzzles

  • Family photos in a “shoebox” activity

Structured table time allowed her to practice:

  • Requesting (mands)

  • Labeling (tacts)

  • Echoing (vocal imitation)

  • Matching

  • Imitation

All at the same time.

Step 3: Use “1 Word x 3” to Encourage Speech

One of the simplest but most powerful strategies Elissa used was 1 Word x 3.

Here’s what that looked like:

She would hold up a picture and say:

“Mommy, mommy, mommy.”

Lexi would then put the picture into the shoebox.

Elissa started using this strategy all day long:

  • “Eat, eat, eat.”

  • “Cup, cup, cup.”

  • “Mama, mama, mama.”

And then something shifted.

Lexi began to echo.

When a child echoes, you stop repeating the word three times and reinforce immediately — because now the vocal imitation skill is emerging.

Within weeks, Lexi went from:

Just tracking sounds

To:

  • Saying approximations like “cuff” for cup

  • “Pee” for pizza

  • “Baba” for sheep

When you measure language consistently, progress becomes visible.

Step 4: Reduce Tantrums So Language Can Grow

Many parents ask:
“Why won’t my toddler talk?”

Often, it’s because problem behaviors are getting reinforced.

Lexi would cry and grab when she wanted something.

Instead of giving items during crying, Elissa learned to use a gentle “Shush + Give” approach:

  • Calm the child briefly

  • Wait for a short quiet moment

  • Then deliver the item

This prevents reinforcing whining and increases calm communication.

But here’s the key:

Shush + Give is reactive.

95% of the work should be preventive.

By:

  • Structuring table time

  • Increasing reinforcement

  • Lowering demands

  • Teaching clear communication

Tantrums naturally decreased.

And when frustration decreases, speech increases.

Track Language for Progress

Lexi’s language sample went from mostly sounds to multiple word attempts within weeks.

I always say:

What you measure will increase.

Elissa began tracking:

  • Sounds

  • Word approximations

  • Echoes

Once the echoic skill started emerging, it felt like “the floodgates were about to open.”

That’s what we want.

Final Thoughts for Parents Feeling Stuck Helping a Toddler Talk

Elissa had therapy waitlists. Limited speech services. Uncertainty.

But instead of waiting, she implemented a clear plan.

Within weeks:

  • Lexi ran to the table

  • Echoing began

  • Labeling increased

  • Tantrums decreased

If you’re worried about your toddler not talking — don’t wait.

Start assessing.
Start structuring.
Start measuring.

Because when you increase communication, you don’t just get more words.

You get more connection.

Ready to start learning my 4 step approach so you can see the same progress? 

Autism waiting list

Elissa M. on Turn Autism Around

Elissa grew up with an understanding that everyone learns differently. In 3rd grade, she was diagnosed with dyslexia and later on diagnosed with ADHD. One day, when talking with a mentor about career paths, she suggested to Elissa that she work with students like herself who struggle to learn. This is what inspired her to go into special education. In college, she met her husband, Brandon, who is a software developer. Several years after getting married, they were finally able to have children. Aleena is now 4 years old and turns 5 in May. Lexi is 2 and a half years old and as happy as can be! Late April, early May 2021 is when she noticed all Lexi’s red flags for ASD. Immediately she jumped on it, and in September, at 2 years and 1-month-old, Lexi was diagnosed with autism (level 2/3 needs), language disorder, and global developmental delays. She gets EI services, OT, PT and Speech, but she knew this wasn’t enough. She is thankful for having purchased Mary’s book and taking the Turn Autism Around toddler course. She has been seeing wonderful progress.

Toddler Talking Top 5 FAQ

To help your toddler talk, start with a simple assessment to identify strengths and gaps instead of guessing what to teach. Then use short, structured table time sessions, build imitation skills, and implement strategies like “1 Word x 3” throughout the day. Track word attempts weekly — because what you measure tends to increase.

But this is just the beginning. Learn the step-by-step approach to learn how to get your toddler talking today! 

Helping a toddler with autism speak requires building foundational skills first — especially imitation, joint attention, and requesting. Structured teaching, clear reinforcement, and reducing tantrums can create the conditions where speech begins to emerge. Many toddlers with autism understand more than they can express, so strengthening vocal imitation is often the key.

I have a step-by-step system for autistic toddlers to help them talk more and melt down less! 

If crying or grabbing gets results, it will continue. Instead of giving items during problem behavior, wait for a brief calm moment before delivering reinforcement. Even 1–2 seconds of quiet is enough to start.

Then immediately give the item and model the word you want them to use (for example, “cup” or “help”). Over time, this teaches your child that calm behavior and communication — not crying — are what work.

At the same time, focus on prevention. Keep favorite items visible but slightly out of reach so your child has opportunities to request. Use simple words consistently. Reinforce attempts quickly and enthusiastically.

When communication becomes easier and more effective than crying, tantrums decrease — and speech increases.

Use simple, motivating strategies like “1 Word x 3,” where you say a single word up to three times during play or daily routines. Keep it natural and fun. Once your child echoes, reinforce immediately. Building simple imitation skills first can also increase the likelihood that your toddler will begin repeating words.

If you want a community to ask for more individualized help – join here. 

Siblings and extended family can model words, participate in short table time sessions, and help reinforce communication attempts. Teaching them simple strategies — like reinforcing calm behavior and modeling single words — ensures consistency and faster progress across environments.

Resources

Want to Learn how to Increase Talking & Decrease Tantrums in Children with Autism or Toddlers Showing Signs?

Want to start making a difference for your child or clients?

I’m Ready to Learn!