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Positive Growth Mindset Tips for Parents

Dr. Mary Barbera

If you have a child with autism, some days are harder than others. And sometimes we let the hard days and the stress take over. We may have a difficult time thinking of the positives or having a growth mindset.

I recently spoke with parent coach Len Arcuri and he discussed with me how important it is to have a growth mindset and how this can benefit you and your child. Today I want to share with you part of the conversation, but to listen to the full conversation on the podcast, you can go to marybarbera.com/47.

Growth Mindset Tips for Parents

I asked him about particular struggles for parents of kids with autism. What were some overall themes or stress points he saw?

Len Arcuri says that the first theme they see often is mindset. How parents develop what the problem is and how they feel about the journey. Every journey is unique, and it lasts as long as it needs to last, but the important part is how they feel while going about their day-to-day lives.
“If the mindset isn’t one of a growth mindset. One of, I’m going to do what I can, I’m going to try, I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to constantly learn. Versus a fixed mindset, like there’s really not much I can do. That’s where you start getting into a victim mentality,” said Arcuri. For his clients, they all show up to some degree with some growth mindset, they know that they can do something and they’re seeking help.
“I think the key thing is that everyone’s growth mindset, wherever it is, can always be further grown and developed. And so we try to meet them where they are to help them kind of get the growth mindset as big as it can be,” he said.

Finding a Positive Parenting Mindset

If you truly have a positive growth mindset, according to Arcuri, you will do the interventions or therapy. With a positive mindset for autism, you can never really make a mistake because every “failure” is just another opportunity. This ensures you have the resiliency to stay the course. No matter what you’re doing, you’re going to have your ups and downs. It’s all about how you continue to get up and persevere.

And while there’s a lot of clear action steps you can take to make things better, there isn’t a lot of control over the actual outcome of anything. On the drive home from the hospital, when Lucas got his diagnosis I was crying in the passenger seat. My husband kept saying things like he’ll never get married. He’ll never go to college. My whole mind was blown.
I was married, I had a master’s degree in nursing administration, and I lived in the suburbs. I had two healthy kids. Of course, they would grow up and go to college. They would both get married. But I was also thinking how do we know Spencer’s not going to have an accident or have some issues?
But I ended up realizing I shouldn’t have expectations. I have no control over how my life is going to turn out. Once you draw the autism card, your name is still in the lottery for a bunch of other stuff to come down the pike. Family members still get cancer and other typically developing kids have issues and you might go bankrupt or whatever. More stuff is going to happen.
I mean, yes, I think Lucas’s life would be easier if he didn’t have moderate to severe autism. I think my life would be easier as he now needs care. And that’s why my goal is to turn autism around and have each child reach their fullest potential. Be as safe, as independent, and as happy as possible.

Free Workshop to Learn to Turn Autism (or Signs of Autism) Around

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Resilience in Parenting

There’s such a thing as hope and resiliency and getting each child and adult to their fullest potential. And so let’s just move forward and have that abundance mindset. Be resilient no matter how your child does because, in the end, you have little control over it.

Len Arcuri says that what you can control is internally how you’re showing up, what you’re choosing to believe. But you have to want it.
“For people who work with us, to be a fit, they need to know, number one, that their child can get better. You know, forget about recovery and all that. Can their child get better, stronger, happier? There’s an opportunity for growth,” says Arcuri.

“And then the second question is, do they feel as a parent that they can get better? Become a better problem solver. If they have limiting beliefs that are holding them back, do they have an opportunity to break through some of those? Can they get better just in trusting their intuition? 

This is all internal work. If they have that desire for that awareness, that they can get better, their child can get better and they’re willing to do inconvenient stuff. If those three are in alignment, the amazing thing is there’s so much they can do to just start to feel better, to feel more optimistic. And for that to come from within, not from something that someone else is telling them, they can do so, so much more.”

Staying Positive and Turning Autism Around

If you’re a parent or early intervention professional working with young children showing signs of autism, or if you’re a parent or professional helping older children with moderate to severe autism, you’ll definitely want to pre-order my new Turn Autism Around book today. You’ll get early access to exclusive bonus content that will help you right away. For all the details go to turnautismaround.com.

Free Workshop to Learn to Turn Autism (or Signs of Autism) Around

Want to start making a difference for your child or clients?
Sign-Up For Free Training