“He’ll Probably Be Fine” Is Not a Plan

One of the most common things I hear from parents is some version of:

“He only has a speech delay.”

“He’s affectionate, so I don’t think it’s autism.”

“He’ll probably catch up.”

“Even if it is autism, it seems mild.”

But, as you’ve been reading, waiting rarely yields good results for children and families.

When Lucas was two years old, many of his autism symptoms looked relatively mild. He attended a toddler preschool program twice a week. He walked into class carrying his backpack. He sat during circle time, lined up with the other children, ate snack, and seemed happy throughout the day.

At the same time, he was speech delayed and showing signs that I didn’t fully understand at the time. He had poor response to his name, limited pointing, and delays in imitation and play skills. Looking back, the signs were there, but they didn’t seem severe. He was able to go to a typical 2 year old preschool program, and to me, it seemed like he would catch up.

What I’ve learned after working with thousands of children and families is that toddlers can be incredibly difficult to predict.

Some children who appear significantly delayed at age two make tremendous gains over time. Other children who seem only mildly affected may continue to struggle with communication, learning, independence, and behavior for many years.

My own son is a perfect example.

Today, Lucas is an adult who still requires significant support and supervision. At the same time, I know other children who appeared much more impaired than Lucas at age two who later graduated from college, learned to drive, and became highly independent.

The point is that no one can accurately predict a toddler’s future based on how they look today.

Shortly after Lucas was diagnosed, I attended a lecture by autism expert Dr. Glen Dunlap. I told him that I didn’t think Lucas would need intensive intervention because he seemed like he would probably be fine.

His response has stayed with me for decades.

He told me to “treat it like it’s the most severe case of autism.”

At first, that advice felt extreme.

But what he meant was not to panic or assume the worst. He meant that when a child is showing signs of developmental delays or autism, we shouldn’t gamble with time. We shouldn’t assume that mild signs will simply disappear on their own.

The safest approach is to take concerns seriously, begin teaching systematically, and provide support as early as possible.

If a child ultimately needs less support than you expected, that’s wonderful. There is little to no harm in receiving early support. 

But if they need more support than you expected, you’ll never regret getting started early.

You Don’t Need a Diagnosis—Here’s What to Do Instead

Many parents believe they need an autism diagnosis, or an early intervention assessment before they can begin helping their child.

While a diagnosis can be important, it shouldn’t be the starting point for taking action.

An autism diagnosis can open doors to services, insurance coverage, ABA therapy, educational supports, and accommodations. For many families, obtaining a diagnosis is an important step.

The problem is that diagnoses often take time.

Families may spend months waiting for referrals, evaluations, paperwork, appointments, and services. I even read comments on social media of families who say “we are just waiting for a diagnosis”.

Early intervention programs can be helpful, but they often involve waitlists and may not provide enough intensity to address all areas of concern. Unfortunately, the EI model has not changed much since my own son was in early intervention, and it isn’t enough hours! 

ABA therapy can also be extremely helpful, but access varies widely depending on location, insurance coverage, provider quality, staffing, and availability.

Along the way, many parents receive conflicting advice from different professionals. One person recommends waiting. Another recommends therapy. A third focuses on speech. Someone else says not to worry.

It’s no wonder parents feel overwhelmed.

What I have learned over the past 25 years is that no professional will spend more time with your child than you do.

Parents are there during breakfast, bath time, playtime, bedtime, grocery shopping, family outings, and all the small moments in between. These daily routines create dozens of opportunities to build communication, cooperation, play skills, self-care skills, and independence.

That’s why my Turn Autism Around® approach focuses on helping parents become the “Captain of the Ship.”

Instead of waiting for the perfect diagnosis, the perfect therapist, or the perfect treatment plan, parents can begin learning strategies that fit naturally into everyday life. Small changes, repeated consistently throughout the day, can create hundreds of learning opportunities each week.